Tonight’s SmackDown comes to us live from Des Moines, Iowa, which is definitely not Kansas City, Missouri. While Raw was average at best, SmackDown looks to bring plenty of excitement as we have a pretty great card. Charlotte Flair takes on Naomi for the belt, the tag division finds out who will face the Usos for their title, Orton takes on Erick Rowan, and most importantly, Shinsuke Nakamura will grace us with his presence. Check in all night as I update you on the outcomes and give you my opinion on the matches.
Oh, and we get to hear this…
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And if you’re curious, tonight this 29-year-old is sporting an AJ Styles shirt. Cause I’m an adult.
Shinsuke Nakamura Promo
The best theme in wrestling starts the show off tonight as Shinsuke Nakamura kicks the show off in style. This guy oozes charisma. Of course, before he could say a word, Dolph Ziggler comes on down to get us all drooling for the classic these two are going to put on at some point. Ziggler gives us the cocky heel that I love from him, and acts as the interviewer for this segment. The King of Strong Style plays things cool. Awesome taunt from Ziggler referring to Michael Jackson (one of the inspirations for the Nakamura character, along with Prince), drawing some heat from the crowd. Of course half the crowd also doesn’t get the joke, but whatever. Shinsuke takes the mic but points out what we all know; his ability breaks down all language barriers. And jackass is universal. Ziggler gives a cheap shot before setting up for a Superkick. Nakamura counters and stands tall as the heel scampers away. God, this guy is amazing. Perfect, brief promo that keeps us all on the edge of our seats begging for the guy to wrestle.
This is about as great of a promo as you could ask for in an opening segment.
4 Chair Shots out of 5
AJ Styles vs Baron Corbin (Kevin Owens on commentary)
You’re spoiling us tonight WWE. First the King of Strong Style, now the Phenomenal One himself. Plus, the best theme song to start, the second best in the first match. Kevin Owens on commentary too? Loving it.
Baron Corbin has had a choppy push here. Really needed to win that IC belt at WrestleMania in my mind.
Kevin Owens on commentary confirms he is our new national treasure. Always love it when he gets to play the arrogant bad ass. The face of America vs the new face that runs the place. Can’t wait to see that match. Of course, in this current match, everything feels… off. I mean, AJ Styles can carry Corbin, but right now I’m not quite feeling it. Hard fall for Styles, then commercials. Of course. WWE is second only to the NFL when it comes to annoying commercial breaks.
Return to Corbin dominating. You know, I love heel Styles cause he gets to be the one destroying everyone. Just let him keep doing that. People were already cheering him, so why change the match chemistry to the typical face persona? Getting beat up the whole match before the big comeback is so… typical. He’s not typical. He’s PHENOMENAL!
Corbin eats some turnbuckle, then a Pele Kick, before Styles starts feeding off of the crowd. Owens reminds everyone that he’s still here, and also awesome. I’m afraid Corbin will die if they go through with a Style Clash. KO distracts Styles, but it doesn’t matter as Styles gets the rollup win.
Post match, Corbin and KO team up for a Styles beating before Sami Zayn runs in for the save. Hey, him and Corbin need something to do, so why not? KO knocks him out before executing a Pop-up Powerbomb to close the segment standing tall.
Strong finish to a match that felt lagging at first.
4 Chair Shots out of 5
Charlotte gives a short backstage promo, reminding us all that she’s one of the best wrestlers in the world. Seriously, they once considered a Chyna WWE Championship run… why not Flair? She could legitimately outwrestle most of the men on the roster.
Beat the Clock Challenge – American Alpha vs The Colons
The first two teams come out for the Beat the Clock Challenge. Who knows with today’s booking logic how this all plays out.
Shot of the Usos, reminding us that the SmackDown Live Tag Titles are horrible. Why can’t we have unique belts on both brands? And… belts that don’t look like a 1st grader’s art project.
The Colons look strong, hopefully setting them up for something less embarrassing than their run on Raw. Shouldn’t be hard, as SmackDown needs them to feel like a real threat in the division. A more serious, harder hitting Primo and Epico is definitely one way to do that. Jason Jordan gets knocked from the apron. We get teased with that double-team Backstabber, before Gable is saved and American Alpha finishes the match. Time to beat is 5:17.
It was ok. I don’t know. I’m losing interest in American Alpha and that’s a bummer.
3 Chair Shots out of 5
HANDSOME RUSEV IS GOING TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE! HOORAY!
I miss Rusev and his crushing ways. Get healthy soon so we can see your sexy ass in action again.
A championship match for Rusev at Money in the Bank though… WWE or US Championship? Either way, I look forward to seeing him back soon.
Edit – according to the WWE YouTube video, it’s a WWE Championship match
Becky Lynch and the Mean Girls make an appearance backstage, with the Mean Girls seemingly lumping Becky and Charlotte together for old times sake… Wait… Charlotte face turn?
Randy Orton vs Erick Rowan (No DQ)
Erick Rowan is going to be a jobber after Payback. Which sucks.
Today’s WWE really wastes time when they make a TV match no DQ. They rarely live up to the stipulation in the PG Era, other than eliminating count outs and allowing for a toss into the stairs. Maybe we’ll get lucky and see a chair.
Erick Rowan laying out Orton with a dropkick is fun. Kendo stick time. Cause it’s no DQ, remember? I miss old school hardcore matches…
You know Rowan is going through that table… unless Bray does the magic light thing. Orton grabs the rope before Rowan can suplex him… beats the bald, ginger bearded man… grabs a kendo stick… he’s teetering… and through the table to a nice pop. Commercial time. WHY!? YOU JUST USED A TABLE!? Again, PG Era no DQ matches just lack that vigor they had in the Attitude or Ruthless Aggression Era.
Rowan is beating on Orton when we return, and we collectively sigh as we fondly remember the days of Randy Orton Wyatt. Or any heel Randy Orton. You can tell he has more fun as a heel, and he suits the role much better anyway. DDT from the second rope. You know, vintage. RKO gets blocked after that, before the match moves back outside of the ring. Rowan smacks Orton with the stairs, and finally we get a chair! Props it into the corner and tries throwing Orton into it. Fails. Runs at Orton who moves, sending Rowan shoulder first into the chair, setting up the RKO. And shut up JBL, it wasn’t out of nowhere. It made sense, and logically followed after Orton’s opponent was dazed. Randy Orton gets the W.
After the finish, we get a brief promo from Randy as he talks about the House of Horrors match that no one thinks will be any good. Whatever. Prove us wrong. Please.
Oh, I forgot about you Jinder Mahal. You’re the #1 contender for some reason. The Canadian heel gives us a heel promo reminiscent of Alberto Del Rio (more money, more class, blah, blah, blah). Dude, you’re Canadian. Leave it to WWE to make this program about race. Mahal goes for a cheap shot, and Orton counters. The Bollywood Boys come out, before metamorphosing into the Singh Brothers in the next breath. Mahal and his new stable walk away with the belt.
3 Chair Shots out of 5
Beat the Clock Challenge – Breezango vs The Ascension
Breezango are great. They really are. I love the metrosexual cop look, the selfie stick, everything. Just a fun team. Oh, and there’s the Ascension.
So, we’ve got a heel vs heel match here, and the winner possibly gets the Usos… another heel team. Where are the faces in the tag team division? New Day is still MIA, Rhyno and Slater are on Raw, and the Hype Bros are half injured, half Mojo.
The answer to this problem… #DIY.
Back to the match, and you can hear a pin drop in that arena. Wait, before I could finish my thought, Breezango wins! They beat the clock! Wow. Match was nothing special, but don’t let the rating fool you; I kinda dig the result.
That said, I still thought the match stunk. The Ascension are so far from a threat in the division at this point, that they may as well head back to NXT, and that crowd was so out of it.
2 Chair Shots out of 5
Another promo promoting House of Horrors, and I still have no idea what is going on. I don’t think I’ve ever had lower expectations for a match.
Charlotte vs (c)Naomi – WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship Match
And Des Moines gets ready to Feel the Glow in their first ever night club experience (kidding; even Marquette, Michigan has a night club). Naomi gets to the ring and we get a commercial break.
Charlotte comes to the ring, and after the intro, we start the match. Then we start another commercial break.
Ok, wrestling again. Charlotte has Naomi on the ground as she controls the match. Really hope she wins the title here. The Queen is best with a crown. Reminded that Naomi is an athlete, forgetting that Charlotte is pretty athletic herself. Naomi starts getting some momentum with a few kicks and a hurricanrana. A stiff strike leads to a 2 count for Naomi. A little back and forth leading to a second near-fall. Huge powerbomb from Charlotte gets another 2 count. Charlotte then goes flying and hits the knees of Naomi. The Mean Girls comes out and end the match as they beat Charlotte, causing a DQ. Face turn indeed. I don’t know what this Mean Girls stable will actually be called, but it’ll be interesting to see where the SmackDown women’s division goes from here.
Solid match, as Naomi and Charlotte can flat out wrestle, but ruined by the no contest finish.
3 Chair Shots out of 5
Final Grade
The show started of hot, featured some great action, and pushed storylines forward. It was two hours of fast paced wrestling, and proved to be far superior to last night’s average Raw (and apparently, that’s me being generous based on some reactions to Raw…). SmackDown continues to tease Nakamura, and I couldn’t agree with this strategy more, even though I’m dying for his first match. Nakamura has an aura to him already, and should be a mainstay on the main event scene by summer. AJ Styles and KO actually built toward their confrontation, and Zayn found something to do (before he’s sadly squashed by Corbin). The women’s division has intrigue, and Handsome Rusev made a cameo. Love the Breezango win, but they negative is still the tag division. It just feels so aimless at this point, which is a stark contrast to the Raw division. Enzo and Cass, Sheamus and Cesaro, the Hardyz, The Club, Revival when they return. Just a much deeper roster. Still, good show tonight, as SmackDown goes back to showing up the ‘A show’.
4 Chair Shots out of 5
Give 'em the Chair Wrestling 